How To Listen

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One of the most important skills we have as human beings is our ability to communicate, and to do so effectively.

However, one could easily argue that - societally speaking - we have not been communicating effectively with one another, or have only been doing so with a select group of people. The events of the past ten days seem like blatant proof of that.

A large part - if not the largest part - of effective communication and the subsequent forward momentum of progress is:

Active Listening.

We - and I’m speaking to the heavily White majority of my readership here - are being asked right now to Actively Listen to our Black peers, friends, family, colleagues, allies, acquaintances, and all Black voices across the country.

So how do we do this? What does this mean? Where to start?

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Active Listening

The practice of Active Listening can be defined as:

Giving total concentration to what is being said, providing full attention and utilizing all senses.

Active Listening is not merely hearing the sounds, nor is it giving passive attention whilst waiting for the next moment. Likewise, it is not waiting for your turn to speak.

The purpose of Active Listening is to fully comprehend what is being said and to provide both empathy and understanding. It is not critical - where you would listen and then offer your own opinion/insight - and it is not with the intention of reply, except to show comprehension.

Active Listening should be:

  • Neutral and non-judgemental

  • Patient

  • Filled with cues that you are listening (particularly if in person)

  • Open to asking questions and to clarification

  • Inclusive of reflection back on what has been said

Here are some clarifications on what Active Listening should not include:

  • Wandering thoughts

  • Disrespect

  • Interruptions

  • Distraction

  • One-upping the speaker

  • Focus on small details

  • Self-centering the narrative

  • Passing over what was not comprehended

Active Listening should establish a sense of trust and - most importantly - it is about the Speaker, not the listener.

Like any skill, Active Listening takes practice, but it may be the most crucial skill we can possibly posses.

 

Not Our Time

White folx: This is not our time to speak.

Honestly, I hesitated even writing this post today. But ultimately, it seemed that if I could use this platform to help educate and provide information that is critical at this time, it would be better to speak up right now than do my own work quietly.

We have been talking and controlling the narrative in this country from the beginning, and that was not right. We were wrong. So we must do better.

Right now Black folx are speaking up - as they have been the whole time - and are finally being heard. So instead of trying to raise our own voice into that conversation, it is time for us to sit down and Listen.

Here are some important considerations before we dive in:

  • Is this education going to be quick? No.

  • Is it going to be easy? No.

  • Are we going to make mistakes? Yes, and then we own up to those mistakes and we fix them.

  • Will we encounter discomfort? YES. If you’re not uncomfortable throughout this process, you’re likely not trying hard enough to learn.

  • Will we have to unlearn habits, practices, and biases? Oh yes. Many many many.

  • Can we rely on Black folx to educate us? NO. This is up to US to learn. They tried teaching when we weren’t listening, so now WE must do the work.

  • Will we get a pat on the back for our work, time, and effort? No. I know you’re going to want one, but we don’t get one. Not when we’re 250 years late.

  • Do we have to post on social media? No. As long as you’re doing the work and having the conversations, social media is not necessary. Honestly - and I’m trying to do this myself - the conversation on our social media accounts should be about providing resources to other White folx and amplifying what is being said by Black voices.

  • Should I ask questions? Yes! Ask other White folx if you’re confused about something. Do some research. Find a friend or family member you can trust with a question you think is silly or embarrassing. It’s all part of the work.

And I’m sure there are plenty more questions to answer even beyond these, but let’s dive in.

 

Where To Start

There is an overwhelming amount of material to be consumed for our education.

I’ve been collecting a list of places to start, which I figured could be helpful to everyone. I’ve broken it down into categories, which I hope you will all find helpful.

If you have further suggestions, please place them in the comments!

Watch:

Netflix:

  • 13th

  • American Son

  • Black Earth Rising

  • Brian Banks

  • Dear White People

  • Get On The Bus

  • The Kaliep Browder Story

  • LA 92

  • See You Yesterday

  • Strong Island

  • When They See Us

HBO:

  • King In The Wilderness

  • Notes From The Field

  • We Are The Giant

Hulu:

  • 3 1/2 Minutes. 10 Bullets

  • Blindspotting (free with Cinemax)

  • The Hate U Give (free with Cinemax)

  • If Beale Street Could Talk

Amazon Prime:

  • Blindspotting

  • Just Mercy (rent free in June)

  • Quest

  • Westwind: Djalu’s Legacy

CBC:

  • The Skin We’re In

SBS On Demand:

  • First Australians

Rent:

  • 12 Years A Slave (possibly still on Netflix)

  • BlacKkKlansmen

  • Black Britain On Film

  • The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution

  • Black Power Mixtape: 1967-1975

  • Blood & Water (series)

  • Clemency

  • Detroit

  • Do Not Resist

  • Do the Right Thing

  • Fruitvale Station (possibly still on Netflix)

  • The House I Live In

  • I Am Not Your Negro (possibly still on Netflix)

  • Malcolm X

  • Maya Angelou: And I Still Rise

  • More Than A Month

  • Putaparri and the Rainmakers

  • Queen and Slim

  • Queen Sono

  • Queen Sugar

  • Roots

  • Selma

  • Slavery By Another Name

  • The Tall Man

Online:

Read:

Books:

  • So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

  • Algorithms of Oppression by Safiya Noble

  • Blood In My Eye by George L. Jackson

  • If They Come In The Morning… by Angela Y. Davis

  • The Great Unlearn by Rachel Cargle

  • Me And White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

  • White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo

  • This Book Is Anti-Racist by Tiffany Jewell

  • How To Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

  • Stamped: Racism, Antiracism and You by Ibram X. Kendi and Jason Reynolds

  • Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack (essay) by Peggy McIntosh

  • Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

  • Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Dr. Brittney Cooper

  • Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

  • I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

  • I’m Still Here: Black Dignity In A World Made For Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

  • Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

  • Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

  • Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

  • The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

  • The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

  • The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

  • The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs

  • The Warmth Of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson

  • Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

  • This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color by Cherrie Moraga

  • Raising Our Hands by Jenna Arnold

  • When Affirmative Action Was White: An Untold History of Racial Inequality in Twentieth-Century America by Ira Katznelson

  • Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

  • Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams

  • Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

  • Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

  • The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Playwrights (and a First Play Suggestion)

  • Dominique Morissea - Pipeline

  • Lynn Nottage - Sweat

  • Anna Deavere Smith - Notes From The Field

  • Dael Orlandersmith - Yellowman

  • August Wilson - Fences

  • Katori Hall - The Mountaintop

  • Jocelyn Bioh - School Girls; or, The African Mean Girls Play

  • Alice Childress - Wine In The Wilderness

  • Jeremy O. Harris - Slave Play

  • Lydia Diamond - Stick Fly

  • Antoinette Nwandu - Pass Over

  • Charles Fuller - A Soldier’s Play

  • Aleshea Harris - What to Send Up When it Goes Down

  • Peal Cleage - The Nacirema Society Requests the Honor of Your Presence at a Celebration of Their First One Hundred Years

  • Danai Guria - Eclipsed

  • Adrienne Kennedy - Funnyhouse of a Negro

  • Langston Hughes - Simply Heaven

  • Lorraine Hansberry - A Raisin in the Sun

  • James Baldwin - Blues for Mister Charlie

  • Charles Gordone - No Place to be Somebody

  • Tarell Alvin McCraney - Choir Boy

  • Colman Domingo - Dot

  • Amiri Baraka (LeRoi Jones) - Dutchman and the Slave

  • Lonne Elder III - Ceremonies in Dark Old Men

  • Douglas Turner Ward - Day of Absence & Happy Ending

  • Kia Corthron - Breath, Boom

  • Ntozake Shange - For Colored Girls who have Considered Suicide When the Rain-bow is Enuf

  • Mfonsio Udofia - Her Portmanteau

  • Suzan-Lori Parks - Topdog/Underdog

  • Samm-Art Williams - Home

  • George C. Wolfe - Spunk & The Colored Museum

Listen:

Podcasts:

  • 1619

  • About Race

  • #BLACKLIVESMATTER

  • Code Switch (NPR)

  • The Combahee River Collective Statement

  • Diversity Gap

  • How to Survive the End of the World

  • The Intelligence

  • Intersectionality Matters

  • Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast

  • Pod For The Cause

  • Pod Save the People

  • Seeing White

  • Speaking of Racism

  • The Stoop

  • TED Radio Hour: Confronting Racism

  • Uncomfortable Conversations

  • We Live Here

  • What Matters

  • You’re Pretty For A…

Audiobook:

  • How To Be An Antiracist

 

Beginning

Is that list comprehensive? Nope.

This is just the start.

But to make progress, we all must begin somewhere. I hope this list helps you find a place to begin and that you will continue to do the work. In the meantime, I’m here if you have questions.

Be well, friends. Cheers.